Soul Sisters

"Tonight, we were meant to fight."
-- Margo Clower

God works in mysterious ways.  Emotional drama aside, I had a pretty busy day and evening feeling levelheaded and mellow. My mind was zoned out, my body was moving, and my heart was pleasantly numb. Basically, I had complete control over my stormy emotions--and why not? Why not keep your feelings in glass bottles; when exposed, they're not going to do much more than send a rain cloud to follow you the rest of the day. I figured I was doing a great service to myself.

Nine-thirty rolls around and it's time to go on a "phone date" with my friend Margo. We've been ethereal friends for about nine years now, and we've seen each other through the best and worst of life. We are both stubborn, so regardless of our personal hurdles, we always find a bit of star dust to sprinkle on the other whenever we talk. It's too much of a multifaceted relationship to describe, as Margo seems a bit otherworldly almost every time I speak to her. She's probably my better half in many ways, but the best way I can describe her is my Soul Sister.

Our phone date is going pretty well. Margo shares her heart's fears and burdens as I listen with every intent to shower her in exhortation as soon as she finishes speaking. And when she finished, I did exactly as I had planned and said exactly what I planned to say, exactly how I planned to say it. Well, the polar ice caps must have melted, or maybe the equator froze, because from zero-to-sixty, Margo and I were in a pretty heated shouting match. I didn't even realize what was happening until I felt myself sit straight up while my hands shook. Adrenaline and sweat, that's all I can remember. Margo was crying, and I felt just as cold as ice. All in all, a horrible experience in the moment.

I've never argued with Margo in our nine years of friendship. Ever. Not one time. In fact, she's always been a break from the reality of life and its complex nature. Most of our time together was spent surrounded by candles or incense, soothing music, and papers scattered all over her bed or mine. Or, maybe it was a long night of shared poetry and laughter, grueling stories, or lofty dreams we were so sure we could touch if we just reached up high enough. Life with Margo has always been a fantasy land of mischief, dream-catching, and Godly encouragement mixed with sisterly love. I have never had one ill-feeling toward Margo, and vice versa. But tonight, we both simply snapped.

I said some things to her that I regretted, and she said some things that hurt her to say as well. And for a moment, I couldn't see the good in the situation. While she was speaking, I began to pray even while I rolled my eyes up at the ceiling, feeling completely justified in my emotions and equally sick in the stomach over our argument. There was no instant peace or great revelation, no booming thunder from God telling me what to say, how to say it, or how Margo was feeling. There was Margo, and there was me. And there was a choice. We could hang up and end the friendship (dramatic, but that's us) or we could fight it out until we either hated each other or loved each other to the point of tears. We chose the latter. Through stubbornness, hurt pride, mis-communication and a deeper sense of love, we talked about the issues, apologized for things said, and even learned a few things about each other.

Why is this argument so important to me? People argue with their friends and loved ones every day. We often hurt the ones we love the most, if for no other reason than we feel the most comfortable exposing ourselves to them. So, why is my argument with Margo so different?

Basically, I chalk it all up to transparency. As deep as my friendship with Margo is, we have never crossed the threshold of raw emotion targeted at one another. Past loves, broken friendships, even parents--we've had our fair share of heartache. But it's almost as if Margo and I have never had anything to argue about. Tonight, we were completely open and honest with one another. And as much as it hurt in the moment, we were able to come back to a place of love, and to also fuss through the mess. I think, honestly, the whole experience showed me the meaning of love, and the power it has when two people value one another equally.

Margo told me this: "When encouraging someone, you must also listen to what they are saying." And she is so right. Love is wonderful, but without long-suffering, it is not love. It's merely convenience.

Tonight, I have learned the value of love.
Tonight, we were meant to fight.

xo,

Syd