Maintain a Long Distance Friendship
We’ve all been there before. You meet as perfect strangers and then spend many years nurturing a friendship founded upon similarities and secrets, boyfriends and breakups, giggles and gossip. Your list of inside-jokes is so extensive that half of the time you forget the old ones because you’ve just created fifteen new ones in the span of six seconds. Heredity lied because you both know that you are somehow related. There’s no one else who knows you as well as this person, and you’re certain that no one will ever take her place. But maybe high school gives way to college, or perhaps college rolls around and ends, and suddenly you realize that the longtime flesh-and-blood support system called your best friend is about to move to Ireland to further her education in the study of sheep. For the first time in a long time, you will both be separated and distance will become as much an enemy as humidity and sunburn. What do you do? Panic? Cry? Hold a goodbye party and toast to the not-so-distant future? Try all three. And then take a deep breath and get ready to fight for your friendship.
Pros v. Cons?
Before you determine that you are going to fight tooth-and-nail to keep your everlasting friendship alive, make sure that you’re not trying to hold onto a best frenemy in disguise. It’s easier to become accustomed to a tart friendship than it is to start a healthy one from scratch. Take a moment to assess your relationship with this person. Are they often condescending? Full of catty comments? Generally unsupportive of your endeavors? If so, distance will probably be a blessing in disguise. After all, who wants to waste time nurturing a friendship with Backstabbing Betty or Jealous Jane?
Phone Before Facebook
Nothing is more insulting than finding out your best friend recently got engaged because her newly updated relationship status is dominating your newsfeed. Intimacy has suffered a huge blow from the fantastic world of social media. Whether we’re tweeting about our new puppy or changing our Facebook status every twenty minutes, technology has become our way of being “together alone.” And all of these innovations spell disaster for your long-distance friendship. Personal notes, cards in the mail, and hand-written letters will speak volumes to your far-away friend. So the next time you miss her, put down the laptop and pick up the phone.
Mark Your Calendar
Remember how angry you get when your boyfriend/fiancé/husband forgets your birthday? You probably don’t remember it at all because you’d chew concrete before your lover got away with something so appalling. So why should it be any different with the best friend who suddenly moved a million miles away? Remembering important dates lets your pal know that you pay close attention to what’s going on in her life. And I’m not just talking about birthdays. Interviews, meetings, and first dates are all nerve-wracking events that usually run more smoothly with the support of someone dear to you. Sending your far-off friend some well-wishing text messages moments before her big event can make the difference between a failure and a success.
Celebrate their Success
You’re a recent college graduate still living at home eight months after you ran across the stage to accept your diploma. But the job market is bad. You didn’t take advantage of that internship in France, and now you’re regretting it. Or maybe you just flat-out haven’t had any success finding a job related to your area of expertise. And suddenly, your best friend calls to tell you that she’s just landed her dream job, is moving to New York City tomorrow, and can’t wait to introduce you to her new boyfriend Johnny Depp. How do you respond? Being genuinely happy for your best friend is the crux to your continued relationship with them. It doesn’t matter if you’re experiencing an ice-cream-and-tissues epiphany—put down the spoon and take a moment to celebrate their success. Don’t get so stuck in your own life that you forget to be excited about someone else's. Happiness is contagious, and so is success. The next time you’re down in the dumps about your lack of interviews, be happy for your friend’s successes. You’ll be surprised at how quickly the phone will ring.
Don’t Go Green
At some point in our lives, we are all labeled “The New Girl,” but very rarely do we ever keep this title. Your best friend won’t, either. More than likely, she will explore her new city and make new friends who like her for the same reasons you do, and she’ll probably want to tell you all about them. When she does, what will you say? If your initial response includes a slew of nasty Twitter rants about friendship and betrayal, you should probably pinch yourself, because you’re dreaming if you think that anyone will remain friends with you. Don’t become a jealous best friend, moping about while your sister from another mister roams the town with her new clique. Instead, be happy that she no longer has to fear the rejection that comes with meeting new people in new places. Laugh at the funny stories she tells you about her quirky co-workers (because you know they’re funny), and congratulate her when she becomes the highlight of her new social circle. She’s not trying to replace you, so allow her to enjoy her new life and include you in it as best she can. Above all else, remember that jealousy looks just as ugly on you as it did on your ex-boyfriend.
Lock, Stock, and Bond
Here’s an idea: treat your chum as an investment. A few extra dollars here and there can quickly add up to a weekend reunion and a lifetime of friendship. Setting aside your hard-earned cash to visit your friend will show her that she’s a worthwhile venture and a staple in your life. Likewise, she’ll probably start planning her own trip to see you in return. Bite the bullet, plan to visit her, and then follow through with these plans. You can enter her new world and plant your best friend flag right smack dab in the middle of it. And who knows? You might even hit it off with that cute co-worker she keeps telling you about.
Grow Up
Ever notice how plants bloom in stages? You start off with a tiny seed, throw it in some dirt, douse it with water, and end up with an intricate flower. It’s a fascinating process, but most notably, the end result looks nothing like the beginning. The same can be applied to you and your bestie. Perhaps her interests will change, and her quirky habits will transform into adult tranquility. Or maybe you’ll spend less time giggling about the past and more time developing your future. Remember that people always change over time, and your relationship with your friend is no exception. Instead of constantly reminding your buddy about the good ol’ days, allow her to grow as you grow. Re-discover her interests and re-ignite the excitement of new friendship. Teach one another about new passions and suggest new experiences. You’re not the same person you were five years ago, so don’t expect your friend to be either.
Look in the Mirror
There’s a proverb: to have a friend, you must show yourself friendly. Truer words have never been spoken. If you take nothing else from this article, remember that you teach people how to treat you. If you’re too busy to put the time and effort into a relationship to make it last, then you’ll never have lasting relationships. One good friend is worth a lifetime of bad ones, so take the time to show your best friend that she’s worth the effort it takes to maintain your friendship. It’s not always easy to pause your hectic day just to say a few words of kindness to your absent companion, but it makes all the difference. And above all else: be the friend you want to have. It really is that simple.
